Good news, but a strange day for my brain tumor and me.

One of the many things you hope for as a brain tumor survivor is reaching the point where your tumor is stable enough so that quarterly MRIs are no longer required.  Today, I got that hoped for news.  In my appointment immediately following today’s MRI (my neurologist does a preliminary read of the MRI, then goes over the results with you, all right after the scan) the doc told me that I would now only have an MRI once every 6 months.  Fabulous news, right?

The weird thing is that I almost immediately began feeling uncomfortable.  For nearly 5 years, I’ve had an MRI every 3 months (sometimes more frequently than that).  Now, I suddenly have a new and more favorable regimen and am nervous.  Upon reflection, it seems that the quarterly MRI had become a place of safety for me.  Even though there was always a case of nerves before each scan, I knew that something was not likely to go seriously wrong.  As a consequence, I had gotten to the point that headaches, stumbles, etc. did not freak me out as much.  So, it seems to me that this new 6 month regimen may send me back to worrying more, which is quite ironic.

What was long dreamed of is now a reality and I almost want to go backwards. quarterly MRIs seem to be quite comfortable.  I have received a great blessing from God, but in my pathetic humanness, I’m having trouble seeing the blessing because I have created a new worry.  With God’s steady presence and help, I’m certain that I’ll get over this silliness quickly.

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